INTO THE BLUE
(ongoing project, started from February, 2018)
The worst of illness is uncertainty. I've played this scenario back and forth each hour of the day for the last few months. I started losing sensibility on my whole body from head to foot, even teeth and eyes. It is a very subtle feeling. Every day I wake up losing a little bit of sensibility. Suddenly, I realized that I don’t feel ticklish anymore. I can even take a shower with cold water in winter.
These last days, I have been to hospital probably as many times as in the sum of the last ten years. I maintain a positive attitude, and I have gotten over my fear of hospitals. I have undertaken an infinity of check-ups I had never heard about.
But all the results turned to be normal so far. Which means I do not have problems with my nerves. But why I keep feeling less sensitive?
I am aware that some parts of my body are leaving me; they are disappearing into the blue. The expression “into the blue” means entering the unknown or uncertainty, not knowing what you are walking into. That’s exactly what I am going through now. I am in the mood of blue. Blue is my medicine, blue is universal love; it has positive affects on the mind and the body. I try to capture the moments I feel so close to blue. I interact with it; I merge with it: I become part of it.